A Letter to My Momma

Hey Momma,

Today we celebrate your one year anniversary in Heaven. And for what kind of stinks for us here, I don’t get to see you and hear your voice anymore, I continue to rejoice that you’re with Jesus.

Sometimes I feel guilty about not being as sad as maybe I should be because I know that you are there in Heaven with Jesus and that you’re singing with the angels. And I can only imagine how beautiful your voice is with theirs. Today I sit here and reflect about the last year and how many times I picked up the phone to call you, just to remember that you’re not there to answer. I miss your voice, your laugh, your unsolicited advice {at times} and even the help that you gave when parenting was so hard.

Sometimes it still seems so surreal that you’re gone and that it’s been a year since I last held your hand and I last looked into your blue eyes and brushed back your blonde poofy hair. {I miss all the hairspray!}

There has been so much that you have missed out on this last year and it’s been really weird without you here. We welcomed Emory a little over a month after you left and I know you would be so proud of him and all his chunkiness. He’s got the best, happy personality and I think he gets some of that from you. {He’s also feisty..}

Sometimes I get sad when you’re not there to answer the phone when I have some news to tell you, like this summer when I got a promotion. I guess that college education has been good for something! Thank you for the stubborn bullheadedness that I feel partly came from you {ha!} and the grace-filled kindness and how you used to say ‘love them like Jesus’ and ‘kill them with kindness!’. Oh and who can forget all the long walks where you would ask ‘what would Jesus do?’ and you really meant it.

You’re always in the back of my mind speaking words of truth and love and grace, and I can still hear your voice. I miss seeing you when we go back home. It’s so weird not to have you come outside and greet us when we pull up in the driveway.

Your laugh…I miss it like crazy and I watch the video of you changing Reynolds’ diaper in the hospital all the time just to hear your voice. I also loved the interaction you had with Andrew that day…those moments are so sweet to me.

I know the days will get easier…and a little bit of me fears the things I will forget as time goes on. I want to hold onto you as tightly as I can so that I don’t forget the things that are so special about you.

I love you so much and I know that you know that but gosh I wish I could tell you again. I found this quote today that was so fitting for you..and when I think that there’s nothing else I can say about you, this seems so perfect: You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known – and even that is an understatement. – F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Thank you for being an angel here on earth. Thank you for loving Daddy and Wesley and me…in all our unperfectness. Thank you for being so selfless to so many. For always wanting to do for others. I hope I’m a little bit like you {without the hairspray!}.

I love you…your munchin.

P.S….Reynolds asks every night to pray for you and Lily, so I like to think that she’s there in Heaven with you also.