Camellias & Copper

A Southern Girl's Blog About Life

Expectations :: Marriage Edition

by Filed Under: Faith, Marriage Leave a Comment

This month is mine and Andrew’s anniversary month. In just 15 days we will celebrate our 10 year anniversary! And while our 10 years have gone by in a beautiful flash, they have not been easy. If you’ve been married to anyone longer than a year you probably know that marriage is not effortless or painless. It’s a lot of daily hard work and dedication.

I could go on and write a lot about this topic, but I’m going to save some of it for a later post. Today I want to focus in on a few things I’ve learned from my current Bible study, No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. She’s one of my favorite writers, especially of Bible studies – they are wonderfully drafted and cause me to really search the Scriptures as well as my heart.

This past week we were on session seven and each day’s study title is listed below. As you read the titles, pay attention to the person(s) you may think about as satisfying that <thing> for you.

  • He Satisfies Your Longings
  • He Rescues You
  • He Takes Away Your Sin and Shame
  • He’s the One You Can Trust
  • He Promises Blessing

Some of those are easy to say, ‘Oh I put God there, totally. He does that for me.’ But a couple of the others, it would be easy to sub in the name of your spouse or even a very close friend. I’ll admit to you that I have done that.

No one can truly satisfy these areas of your heart like Jesus can. I’m really bad at inadvertently casting my expectations and needs on others {especially Andrew}, and they constantly fail me. Andrew has failed me over and over in our ten years of marriage. Not because he isn’t a good husband, not at all. Rest assured he is one of the very best. It’s because he has failed the ridiculous expectations I have put on him and most likely kept those expectations to myself. How could he even come close to doing the things that only Jesus can do for me. I cannot put him on the same level as the Lord. Andrew cannot satisfy my soul’s deepest longings; he cannot rescue me from myself and the stupid mistakes/sins I often commit; sure I can trust him, but I cannot give my heart fully to him and expect it to never be hurt or broken, only the Lord can do that.

If you’re a believer and you’ve surrendered your life to Jesus, you know these things, but maybe you need a friendly reminder to put all your expectations and trust and hope in the Lord. He alone will satisfy your heart.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

If you’ve never surrendered your life to Jesus or you’ve never heard these things, know that Jesus is the only One who can fulfill the deepest longings of your soul.
I’m here if you have any questions or need anything.

Until next time dear sister…

8 Pages

by Filed Under: Life, Marriage, Reading Leave a Comment

Happy Monday, Friends! Today is, among a few things: National Drink Wine Day, President’s Day AND my big brother’s 40th birthday! Which is so incredibly hard to believe… 40 years… I remember when my parents turned 40, and to be in that camp so many years later seems so surreal. But alas, we are here and I’m hoping my brother has been celebrated today by those closest to him!

Now, I wanted to share with you today about my most recent 8 pages book. Last fall, Andrew and I had the privilege of going to a conference where one of the speakers strongly encouraged the audience to be reading every single day. At least 8 pages.

Confession, I am NOT a reader. I don’t enjoy sitting still, which you generally have to do to read. I like to be active, to be moving, so this challenge really was like a dare to me. Could I do it? Sure. Would I do it? er. maybe.

Andrew and I accepted the challenge when we got back home from that little conference and we’ve been reading 8 pages almost every night since then. I will admit that some nights we get to bed too late or are just plain exhausted, and we skip, but we try our best to make this a priority at night. We’re going for good/great, not perfection.

I have been choosing books that push me both spiritually and personally and my most recent book was Your Money, Your Marriage. I honestly cannot even recall how I found this book, or why exactly I wanted to read it, but nonetheless it proved to be a great book. Encouraging couples to not only commit to loyalty within their marriages, but also within the context of their finances.
I’m going to detour for just a sec, so bear with me. If I were to take a poll today of my readers, how many of you have made a purchase in the last 48 hours that your spouse doesn’t know about?

Guilty.

One section of the book, that I actually highlighted reads like this,

When you buy whatever you want to buy, whenever you want to buy it, and your spouse does the same thing, you end up spending more than you make. When you detest the idea of a budget because it controls what you can and can’t do, you miss the mark for a secure financial future every single time. The illusion of being in control leads to the exact opposite when it comes to your money and your marriage. You wind up with your finances and relationship careening out of control.

I don’t know if y’all remember a few years ago I wrote a post about the word budget being a bad word. I’ve never liked a budget. I’ve never wanted to be constrained by it. But the night I read this paragraph above, I was slapped in the face. And quite honestly, I felt overly convicted, remorseful and embarrassed. I flagged it in the book so that I could come back and read it again {and again, and again…} after the book was finished.

I think my purpose in sharing this excerpt and book with you is that it reminded me that when Andrew and I became a union, we became one. Our hearts joined, our homes joined, our finances joined…and while we do all the things of married couples that show we are ONE, our finances haven’t been that way. So if this is a challenge to you as it was to me, make some small changes. Realize that the things you do in secret don’t help your marriage or your finances.

Back to the 8 pages…
I’m sure many of you read so much more than I do, and that is super. I applaud you! If you don’t even read the mere 8 pages that I’ve started reading, I would like to extend the challenge to you. Put down the phone or the remote a little earlier than ‘normal’. Get into your cozy bed, or couch or chair and find yourself a really good book. Whether you like fiction, historical, self-help or even just your Bible. Reading has so many benefits, that I’ve even experienced in the few short months that I’ve been doing my 8 pages: stress reduction, more/better sleep, better memory, cheap entertainment {library books are FREEEE!}.

I’m not quite sure what my next good read will be, but if the anticipation is killing you, and you’d like to follow along in my next 8 pages, follow me on Instagram – I will often post an excerpt from my nights’ reading in my stories! Until next time…

A New Start

by Filed Under: Life, Marriage 3 Comments

It’s been a year since I last wrote a post on this sweet blog of mine. I never dreamed, when I started Camellias & Copper, that I would go a year without putting thoughts down and sharing them with you all. I actually had a number of drafts saved from last Spring that never were finished…and truthfully, were completely forgotten.
I remember there were times that I would think to myself, ‘I REALLY need to sit down and write a post’, or ‘gosh, it’s been a really long time since I wrote down my thoughts…’ And then the moments, and days, and weeks simply passed me by.

So here we are, another turn on the calendar and I’m yearning to get back to this blog that I loved so dearly for so long. An opportunity to sit, quietly, for a few minutes each day and ponder a question, a thought, an instance, and be able to share it with you, my readers and friends.

Here goes.

There is so much that has happened in a year. As you may be able to relate, some good, some bad, some ugly things…but forever for my good and a deeper love and reliance upon the Lord. I am another year older than I was the last time I wrote a post. Maybe a little wiser, maybe a little more kinder…hopefully a little more loving and compassionate.
My kids are also older, Reynolds is half-way through his kindergarten year, which is completely insane to me. Emory talks our heads off {often demanding whatever it is that someone else has}. And Eliza Jane is as giggly as ever.
Another change that has occurred is that I am now working with Andrew in our real estate ventures, which has been both a learning and growth adjustment as I know very little about this world I’ve just entered. But he is patient and smart and is teaching me everything I need to know to help our business be successful.
A friend asked today what positive has come out of me leaving my previous job and joining forces with Andrew, and with a twinkle in my eye I said, ‘getting to have lunch with him several days a week.’ Eight years ago when he came back to Columbia for work {right before we were married}, we were giddy with the anticipation of being able to have lunch together. Over the course of those eight years, we had lunch together maybe 10 times. Now I can have lunch with Andrew anytime I want. And I feel a little like Melanie Carmichael in Sweet Home Alabama when asked why she wants to marry Jake, replies “So I can kiss {him} anytime I want.”

I’m so thankful for the opportunity we’ve been given to do this fun work together. Another huge positive is that we now have the time to take dance lessons! Y’all. I’ve been wanting to take dance lessons for years now, and after looking last fall, there was really only one place that was local to us, but most of the available time for private lessons was a night. And with three kids and lots of other activities already in place…who has time to add anything else?! Not us. So I kicked that can down the street.
Andrew to the rescue.
For my birthday he got me dance lessons with Jim at Blue Moon Ballroom. We went on Tuesday for our first lesson where we learned the box step and rumba, with corner breaks. It was so much fun. We laughed, we danced, we didn’t step on each other’s toes! It was terrific. We had our second lesson yesterday and added to the rumba, the promenade, which was a little saucy! And then we started learning the fox trot, which was much easier than I’d expected {I didn’t really have an expectation so…}. So I would suggest to any of my couple-friends in the Columbia area, who may be looking for something fun to do together, go take you a dance lesson from Mr. Jim.

There’s so much more I want to tell you about all of the new things, but I’ve got to scoot out and go get Reynolds from school and run some errands so I’ll leave you with a sweet excerpt from a book I was given for my birthday. “If God wrote your Birthday Card” – a sweet Hallmark book, written from the perspective of God…on your birthday ::
I want you to shine brightly because, dear child, you make me smile.

You, friends, make me smile. Thanks for being here…for reading and for caring. Until next time…

Needing Jesus

by Filed Under: Being a Mom, Faith, Life, Marriage Leave a Comment

(Reader’s note: this was written originally last Monday, 6/26…but this is how long it takes me to finish things these days… ☹)

I always think it’s funny when something happens by “coincidence”.
I just happened to forget I wasn’t supposed to take a lunch today, and ran an errand to Trader Joe’s. Then I happened to run home to drop off all my goods, etc. and strolled around my house to see what the cleaning lady did while she was there this morning (it’s always fun to see how she reorganizes things!!).
Then I happened to get a notification that a sweet girl, that I’ve known from way-back-when, Jess Connolly, was doing a live video on Instagram.
And I happened to turn on my car’s blue tooth so I could listen in on her little video.

Jess’ husband worked in my office, what seems like, a million years ago. Back when he was this sweet guy dreaming of marrying this gorgeous gal named Jess.
Dreams do come true.

They have an amazing ministry…she’s killing it all over the place – praise be to Jesus alone, I know she would say.

So here I was in my car listening to her pouring out her heart about being “Expectant” about all things Jesus…which includes us as fallen humans and how we can be expectant to still need him and she said this one thing that I repeated over and over in my head until I got to a stop light and could email it to myself so I didn’t forget!
“What if..you still needed Jesus?”
She was recalling a conversation she had with a dear friend of hers from the other day, about all these things we plan out and set out as goals etc. And she said something like, But what if, at the end of all the planning and goal-setting that we still needed Jesus.
I sat there thinking, that’s mind-boggling to me. We DO need Jesus. But do we admit that in the every minute – every day?

What if, in your every day, everything, you still needed Jesus.
Instead of thinking, I’ve got this. I’ve got all these things to do in XXX time, or whatever, what if you still needed Jesus.
What about this moment, this day, this week…would be different?
What if you acknowledged that you still NEEDED Jesus. Needed Him like you need breath. Every moment of every hour.
“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.” The Psalmist says (Ps. 42:1).
What if that were true.
How would your thoughts be different.
How would your words be different.
How would your heart be different.

How would your hopes be different.
How would your perspective change.
Would you have more peace?
Would you have more joy?
Would you lay all the burdens down at the Savior’s feet and leave them there?
Would you, like Mary, sit. Still and quiet and wait to hear from Him?
Would you keep rushing around like Martha, trying to get all the things done, while harboring an attitude against those you love?
Would you still be holding that grudge against that friend that hurt you so many years ago?

I think it’s so easy for us to just get up every morning and get going that we forget we need him. I need him to be joyful. I need him to have grace and strength and patience with my kids, my husband and myself even. I need him to be KIND. I am a sinner. I am not even remotely in the same solar system as perfect, and therefore, I need Jesus. To be more like him so that others might slightly like me.

What if, you and I went to bed tonight resting in Jesus. Needing him.
What if, tomorrow morning, when we woke up, instead of grabbing the phone to see how many likes or messages we got during the middle of the night, or doing whatever thing you do when you first wake up…we said, “Hey Jesus. I need you. I NEED.You.”
And then we waited to hear from him.

 

What if we did that?  I wonder how tomorrow might be different.

Something to think about on a Sunday night.  Hugs for a sweet bedtime…hopefully the fireworks where you are aren’t too loud tonight…

Our Sixth Anniversary

by Filed Under: Being a Mom, Marriage 1 Comment

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that Andrew and I have only been married six years now.

Other, rarer times, it seems like we just got married and then all these kids appeared out of nowhere.

Yesterday was our sixth anniversary, and while the time has been short but long, it’s been a wonderful six years.  Of course we’ve had our growing pains, and learning about each others’ buttons, but there has been more joy and laughter in these six years than so many more before them.

So in preparing for our anniversary, knowing that the potential of our 3rd child being born at any moment around the date, I had to start working on Andrew’s gift early.

I don’t know about you, but we’re the type that like to know what the gift idea or traditional gift options are…Hallmark has a great anniversary gift resource in case you need one.

Year six is iron.

IRON?! You may say to yourself….yes, iron.

As I contemplated what to get Andrew, a friend had some suggestions: a golf club – an “iron” if you will.  A new grill?  Some kind of sign?

I was feeling a little clueless.

Then Andrew and I had lunch together one day {it must have been a blue moon…} and talked about our anniversary and potential gifts.  He told me that Pinterest offered 1,000+ ideas for your sixth anniversary where iron is the traditional gift.

I found a really cute, funny card…Thanks for being my Iron Man it said…so I followed the link to Etsy and purchased it!

Then I found a cheeky little gift via ScoutMob andrew-ice-cream-spoon  My husband loves his one scoop of ice cream at night, often just a little spoon full so this was perfect!

The last of the items on this little gift list is one that I think is amazing.  The guy who makes these tools used to have a son at our daycare and as the world of social media goes, I found out about his website, Wildlife Workshop Fire Tools.  So I inquired about a grill spatula…6th-anniversary-arl

and yes, it’s monogrammed…

Aside from these gifts, I also gave him a new son…haha.

Emory was born Friday evening and we got to come home on our anniversary so it was a pretty perfect day.

Happiest of anniversaries to my favorite, my love, my bestest of friends…Andrew, I love you.

oh, and if you’re wondering what iron gift Andrew gave me…another Scoutmob find from Amy Waltz6th-anniversary

And a post-baby massage from my favorite local spa, Urban Nirvana.

Where do you look for anniversary gift ideas?  Are you a traditionalist or one who comes up with your own gift ideas?

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