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A Clay Paw

June 4, 2015 by Michelle Filed Under: Being a Mom, Gardening, Life Leave a Comment

I really don’t want this post to be terribly sad, so bear with me for just a moment.

Several weeks ago, during all the grieving, a dear friend sort of tossed the idea out to me to write a book.  {HA!}

I came home that night, or maybe it was the next night, sat down at my computer and got it all out.  Within two and half-ish hours I had typed 26 pages of a word document.

I got it all out.

All the details.  All the conversations.  All the raw emotions.  And I put it down on paper {the electronic version}.

So I referred back to it tonight for this post.

Here’s the excerpt, talking about the amazing Veterinary Hospital that was caring for Lily in her last days and the precious gift they gave us as we kissed her goodbye:

“They made a claw print for us to bring home and put in the oven, to harden, and then keep for all of forever.  It even has a couple of her hairs in it.  They used a little flower stamp around the border and then stamped her name into the side.  It sits in a plastic bag today, on a shelf in Lily’s room.  Until I find a shadow box frame I like, I am keeping it in this bag.”

Lily paw 1

Well, today I found the shadow box.  I knew Michael’s would have something, and as Providence would have it, shadow box frames were on sale!  {I may have purchased two because they were BOGO!}

After the kids were down {because all projects happen AFTER the kids go down…for the second or third time!!}, I pulled out the new shadow box and carefully removed Lily’s clay paw from the Ziploc bag.  I used some heavy-duty command strips to adhere the paw to the fabric, because those pretty little pearl-pins that come with the box surely weren’t going to hold this thing into place!

Lily paw 2

Lily paw 3

We decided quickly that it needed to hang on the wall near the back door….with a view of Lily’s flower bed.

Lily paw 4

 

This was going to be the end of my post for tonight.  Until I received a sursy on my front porch today.  I already posted on Instagram and Facebook that Lily’s third set of grandparents sent a precious gift to us today.

Lily paw 6

The little white bone on the card actually has seeds of a plant in it, so it will be planted in Lily’s flower bed this weekend.

The beautiful little statue already has a home.

Lily paw 5

 

I am reminded about the loveliness of life.  Even the life of a dog.  Each life touches the lives of so many others.  It’s not just us who grieve Lily’s passing, but also those who knew and loved her.

Update On Lil-bug

May 8, 2015 by Michelle Filed Under: Being a Mom, Life Leave a Comment

It’s been a couple of weeks since I first told you all about Lily, our 12 year-old Chocolate Lab.  As a recap: On Tuesday 4/14 I took her for a routine physical at which point our Veterinarian discovered some masses in her lower abdomen that raised concern for possible mammary cancer.  That Friday the results were confirmed and we were referred to South Carolina Veterinary Specialists, where she could see an Oncologist.

Our first appointment was Monday, 4/20 {also our son’s 2nd birthday}.  We talked about her chemo options and what things would look like going forward.  Her first chemo treatment was the very next day.

Time lapse a little…

We were in the Bahamas last week…which was 2 weeks from the original appointment, and one week after the first chemo treatment.

On Tuesday of last week Lily had a follow up appointment to check her blood levels, etc. to be sure that the chemo wasn’t harming her body.  Andrew’s sister took Lily for us and reported that everything looked a-okay.

We got home late last Thursday night (after midnight) from our trip and Andrew said to me, “I don’t think she’s going to make it through the night.”  She had very short, shallow breaths which weren’t normal.  I said some prayers and went to bed.

The next day we were set to meet my parents around noon at my aunt and uncle’s home in GA, a sort of mid-way point for all of us, to pick up our kids.  {Thanks again Grammy and PopPop!!}

Andrew called our Oncologist around 10 {when we were about to leave for GA} and she told him to bring Lily in for observation.

Via a phone call not long after we dropped her off we were told that her lungs {mainly her right} was filled with fluid and it needed to be drained.

They removed a liter of fluid that day.

We walked into the office that afternoon, all four of us, to meet with Dr. Brown.  She basically said that Lily’s cancer presents itself this way and until the chemo started affecting the cancer the way it should, this would happen.  She said that we could think about what we wanted to do over the weekend, but that if we wanted to proceed with treatment, there was a stronger chemo that we could try the following Tuesday.

We talked a lot over the weekend.  We questioned ourselves.

“Are we being selfish to keep her here with us?”

“She doesn’t seem like she’s in pain.”

“We committed to three treatments…”

“Her tail still wags and she acts like she’s still happy.”

“I don’t think she’s ready to go.”

Were many of the things we said to each other.

By Sunday evening we noticed that her breathing had become more labor intensive once again.  I called Monday morning, “I think her lungs are filling up again with fluid…”

I was told to bring her in and that our Oncologist wasn’t there, but Dr. Lucas {relative?!} was there.

I took her in and met with Dr. Lucas.

A wonderful, compassionate and empathetic lady she was.  I cried asking her some of the same questions I’d asked Andrew.  “Are we being selfish?”  She shook her head and said, “If we put her to sleep today would you regret it six months from now, thinking that you could have done more?”

“Absolutely, of course” was my response.  And I believed every word of it.  I didn’t think she was ready to leave us and I was certainly not ready to give her up.

“Well, then, I’ll drain the fluid today.  Bring her back tomorrow and we’ll go the more aggressive route.”

She drained around 850ml from Lily’s right lung that day.

On Tuesday I met with Dr. Brown who is one of the most gracious and lovely ladies I’ve ever met.  The compassion with both of these ladies is amazing.

Dr. Brown told me that we would do this more aggressive chemo treatment and that she wanted to see Lily again on Friday to check her lung fluid levels.  In short, she said that if we could get to Friday, that was a good sign.  If her breathing became short and labored again prior to Friday, that wouldn’t be a good sign and that we would really need to consider her quality of life at that point.  It was a hard thing to hear, once again.

Wednesday was a really hard day for Lily.  She barely had any energy and didn’t care to eat much of anything.  I feared for her.

Thursday was a little better.  We coaxed her to eat her food by pouring some chicken broth over it all 🙂

I was nervous all day yesterday.  I stared at her.  I studied the rise and fall of her chest.  I listened intently to the breathing in and breathing out.

I think she’s ok, I convinced myself…and perhaps Andrew.

Today I took her for her check up.  “We made it!” I thought to myself.  This has got to be a good sign.

She even seemed a little more chipper this morning when Reynolds and I came downstairs {at 6 am…}.

Dr. Brown gave her a quick look under the ultrasound and called me into a room.  “First glance and there is very little fluid in the right lung, which is a good sign because that is the one that we’ve been draining.  However, the left looks like it has some fluid, not nearly a liter, but cautiously I think it would be the best idea to go ahead and remove it before the weekend, that way we don’t potentially have to think about an ER visit over the weekend.”

I quickly thought that even though Andrew wasn’t with me, he surely would go the most cautious route {that’s just him} so I told her that I felt comfortable making that decision.

She asked to keep Lily all day, until around 5 that way she would have time to drain the fluid and then observe her to be sure that there are no other complications.

Andrew picked her up this evening.

The report goes something like this:

400ml removed from the left lung, not nearly a liter and half of what was removed on Monday, and it’s been four days since then.

We’ll take her in for a recheck on Tuesday to be sure that there is no additional fluid build up.  If there isn’t, that means the chemo is doing exactly what it should {and we will do a happy dance!}.

We are cautiously optimistic and praying our sweet baby girl keeps fighting.

One of the most precious things through this has been Reynolds’ response to her.  We’ve told her that Lily is sick and doesn’t feel well.  Most days when we’ve gotten home from school he immediately asks for her.  Upon entering through the back door he immediately says, “Hey Lil-bug!  You ok?”  And then he wants to sit down with her and just pet her head.

20150422_165903

Thank you again for your prayers for Lily and for us.

Mixed Emotions

April 20, 2015 by Michelle Filed Under: Being a Mom, Life 3 Comments

A couple of initial comments:

1. Thank you for your kind words from Saturday’s post regarding our sweet dog, Lily.

2. Today is Reynolds’ 2nd Birthday, and to not put a complete damper on it, this post is both about the happiness of the day and

3. An update on Lily’s condition and a fair warning, her doctor’s appointment today was not good.

I debated on what part to write about first, the good or the bad.  I wondered through that age-old question, which would you want first, the good stuff or the bad?

I’ll go with the bad so I, personally can end this with a smile on my face.

Lily’s appointment today.  I took her this morning – we had an appointment at 11:30 am.  I met Dr. Brown, who was a wonderful lady, and she explained to me initially what she wanted to do today, with my permission.

I left Lily around 12:30 pm – getting prepped to have an ultrasound done on her abdomen and an x-ray done of her chest.  She’d just had blood drawn last week with her normal Vet, so those labs were good.  I was to pick her up at 4, at which point I would sit down with Dr. Brown again to discuss the findings and next steps.

Andrew met me at the office as I was getting ready to leave so I updated him on everything and he agreed to meet me back there at 4 pm.

I came home and read, tried not to think about what the possibilities were.

I got back to the doctor’s office at 4, after having gone by the grocery store to get Reynolds’ birthday dinner fare and some balloons for him.

I got back to the room and within a few minutes Dr. Brown came in.  “Unfortunately…”  I listened intently to what she was telling me, trying to take it all in.  Trying to understand what exactly she was saying.  Andrew hadn’t quite made it to the office so I was trying to remember every little detail in case he missed Dr. Brown.

He came in just a few moments later.  She recapped what she’d just told me.

1. The lymph nodes around her bladder and other organs in her abdomen are large

2. Surgery isn’t an option at this point – it’s spread to much

3. Spots on her lungs reveal that she’s got evidence of it there too

4. The chest x-ray also revealed some fluid on her lungs, especially the right side

She showed us the x-ray and you can see it all…the “snow” in her lungs from the cancer.  Another reason to hate the disease.  So invasive.  So unforgiving.

She basically said that if we did nothing, other than make her comfortable, we might have “a few weeks”.  Let that sink in.

This sweet baby girl that has been mine for twelve years.  My heart aches.

We could start chemo and do up to five treatments, and it could either stop the growth and spread of the tumors or possibly shrink it.

She has her first treatment tomorrow.  She will have one every three weeks.  At the third treatment they will do a full reassessment to determine if it truly is affecting the tumors or not.  Of course, each time she goes, they will measure the size of the tumors to see how they’re being affected, but the third treatment should give us a better picture of overall how it’s working.

Please continue to pray for us.  If nothing else, that we would have peace and that she would not be in pain.  She’s been such an incredible trooper – you wouldn’t know that she is even sick, we certainly didn’t.

Breathe.

Ok.

On to the happy!  {And I’m really sorry for this crazy emotional roller coaster of a ride – but thank you ever so  much for going on it with us.}

Today is R’s 2nd Birthday!  First of all, where the heck did 2 years go?!  It honestly, truly seems like a week ago {well, maybe not that short of time} that we were flying down I-20 at 3:45 in the morning to get to the hospital to see if my water had in-fact broken {it had}.

And just a half a day later we had this enormous 9.5lb baby!!!  Amazing.  He was then and still is completely beautiful.  I love his enormous blue eyes and gigantic smile.

Our sweet boy slept in this morning until around 8.  I walked into his room and he had a huge smile on his face as if he just knew it was his birthday!  I yelled, “REYNOLDS!!!!  IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAAAAAAYYYY!”  And he looked at me, puzzled and said, “It Reynolds’ birthday!” hahaha.  I love that kid.

I took him to school late, mainly because I wanted to be certain that he felt ok and was up to going to play with his friends.  He was, so he went.

As I stated earlier, I went to the grocery store this afternoon to get our dinner fare – Reynolds is SUPER picky {….no comment…} but we have discovered recently that he likes risotto.  {I don’t even know…what kid likes risotto?!}  So I picked up a new container of risotto and some tilapia {for mommy and daddy}.  Then I went to Party City and had them blow up a few balloons for me that I could have in the car to surprise him with when I picked he and Eliza Jane up from daycare.

After picking up Lily, we went down to daycare to get her siblings.  I was told that R had a good day at daycare, thank the Lord; and he was SO excited and surprised when he saw his balloons AND Lily in the car waiting for him.

He sang “happy birthday” to himself on the way home – it was so stinking cute, I had to record him.  At home, daddy had dinner started and offered to pull up the stool so Reynolds could help him cook.  He loves to be right in the middle of it all, as it happens.

Daddy had picked up a 4-in-1 cake, so after dinner we sang “happy birthday” to him and let him pick which one he wanted – choices were carrot cake, german chocolate {OMG!!}, red velvet and chocolate {ganache?}.  He chose carrot cake and thought it was delicious!  “More?!” he requested.  He was so happy.

What a sweet little guy.

He’s now 3 feet tall, can say a slew of words and carry on a full-fledged conversation with you, loves to run and play outside.  Haircuts are not a favorite, but his sister and Lily are.  I hope the next two years don’t go by so fast, but if they do, I hope they’re just as fun!

Reynolds' newborn picture with big sister Lily

Reynolds’ newborn picture with big sister Lily

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