Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I’m gonna take a deep breath for this one.  And get my box of tissues ready.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month…and today is the focused day to remember miscarriages, stillbirths, SIDS and deaths of newborns.

7pm tonight is the “International Wave of Light” a worldwide lighting of candles for these sweet ones who are not here with us.

 

Our Loss:

Andrew and I are five months past having lost “Baby Lucas” or “Pine nut”.  And I’ve been asked a few times by friends if we’re going to try for another.

The answer is always “yes, we certainly hope to”.

As I sat in the room with my doctor, just two weeks after having lost our baby, he told me that I needed to wait a year before trying for a third child.

Then he said, “I assume you want another child…?”

As I held Eliza Jane and tears ran down my face, I un-hesitantly said “Yes, absolutely.  I never thought that I would be done after she was born.  I didn’t feel like that was it for me, for us.  I don’t feel like I’m done {having babies}.”

As he explained to me about the type of miscarriage I had, I was a little blind-sided.  I thought when you had a miscarriage, you have a miscarriage.  You “deal” with it, physically.  You mourn your loss.  You pray for healing and you move on and try for another.

Sounds easy.

It’s certainly much deeper than the words I just typed up there and the pain is much more real.  It’s definitely difficult, emotionally and sometimes spiritually.

For us, the physical part is more difficult than it sounds.

You see, I had what’s called a partial molar pregnancy.  I won’t go into the details of that here, but if you want to read more about it, here’s a good link: AmericanPregnancy.org

As my doctor, who is a wonderful man, tried to explain all of this to me, all I heard was that I had to wait a year before trying to have another baby.  A year – the words were so heavy as they fell on my ears.

Not only had I lost this one and was mourning that, but in my strong desire for another baby, it was being delayed.  Longer than what I wanted.  I felt like the mourning was being drawn out.

For some people, waiting a year might be easy…but it’s not for me, for us.

Over the last five months, Andrew will occasionally, sweetly ask me, “So…how long do we have to wait?”.  He’s an amazing father.  He loves his babies and I am so thankful that he is eager for another.

My reply is usually a sigh and then a smile…”May…”

 

As I join my “sisters” today, who have lost a dear, precious baby, I pray for healing in hearts and minds and for bodies that need continued healing.  I also pray for a deeper knowing that we will again see our little ones.  {In case you’re wondering I believe that conception=life.  A heartbeat=life.}

I pray for daddies, for husbands who love their wives and help them through the emotional journey.  These men have them too…they experience the loss in a way that I won’t be able to understand.  And I am thankful for my husband who loves and lifts me up, when I know there are days that he himself is sad.

 

In just a little over a month, our due date will come…and it will pass.  And I will remember that date for as long as my heart does.  I will miss the birth, the holding of a fresh new baby and the range of emotions that take over you.  I will miss the long, late nights and the exhaustion that follows.  I will miss the tiny little fingers and toes…

 

I am so incredibly thankful for the babies that we have.  I love them more than words can express.  They bring joy, laughter and challenges to our lives and mine is so much more full with them in it.

So I pray that there will be another one that joins our little family…in His timing.  “Children are a gift from the Lord” – Psalm 127:3a

 

P.S.  I found this song yesterday…and how fitting.  It is uplifting to the soul – I hope you enjoy it.