Happy Birthday Momma

I talked to my best friend, Ann, yesterday…she knew that today is my mom’s birthday. Through our conversation, she asked me which day is harder, the day she passed away or her birthday? The two days are so very different.

The day she died is a hard day because it’s re-living those moments, those last moments with her, holding her hand, wishing for her to wake, or just squeeze my hand – something to let me know she was there. And then the conversation with the doctor, about her state and the awful reality of what was. The tears cried over our impending loss of this woman we loved and adored, and then watching her fade into the arms of Jesus. Yes, that day is so very hard.

Her birthday is a difficult day in a different way. There are memories of calling her in the mornings of her birthday to sing happy birthday to her – hearing her laugh in response and tell me of all the things she would do for the day. {She had the best laugh!}
Even the surprising celebration we had for her when she turned 60 – gathering some of her closest friends together at a little dessert place in downtown Macon. She had no clue about it, and it was so wonderful to see her face light up – the hugs, laughs and even happy tears that flowed from the love shown to her by the ones who loved her so deeply.

>Sigh< Yes, her birthday is hard because it’s so very different…I cannot call her, my kids cannot call her to tell her happy birthday – and what a joy that would be to hear – them yelling singing happy birthday to her!

This past weekend we were in Macon, to celebrate the wedding of my cousin’s daughter. It was a great time of being with my extended family – and hearing sweet memories from a couple of cousins about my mom. She was thoughtful and kind…she made these sweet little cross-stitched ornaments – my cousin Brooke talked about how much hers mean to her – how her girls even knew this year, while decorating the tree, that these ornaments from Aunt Mary were a must to go on the tree. We all have them – and my how precious they have become to us. This is one she made for me…

We went by her grave before the wedding to visit and also change out the flowers on her grave. The store we went to didn’t have any Christmas flowers so we opted for a wreath, and a fun necklace that would have surely made her laugh. The kids asked questions about her, Reynolds and Eliza Jane spoke of how much they missed her and I just stood there thinking about what it’s like now that she’s gone.

Not to make this post sad and depressing, but just to share with you about this day and to also make note of a few things: life is precious. Your life is precious. You are a part of, and touch the lives of so many – more than you realize, and when you are gone, there is emptiness in your place.

This is her 3rd birthday spent in Heaven, and while I do rejoice that she is with Jesus, I sure do miss her. Life is so very different because she is not here. Our family isn’t the same without her – she was the glue that held us together.
Mom, you are loved, you are missed and we thank Jesus for the time we had with you. “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known—and even that is an understatement.” F. Scott Fitzgerald